NARCISSIST

A healthy Self-esteem is essential for well-being. Confidence in ourselves and adequate consideration of others is not only the Spiritual way, but, is a necessity for living in harmony. There is a reason why it was said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” A controller cannot do that. Where fear, selfishness and greed dominate a person, or a group’s personality, the need to control will exist. This week I want to continue with the theme of Control Issues. When control is extreme, such as in narcissism, manipulation, bullying and brainwashing, it can be dangerous and hurtful and self-serving. This column will deal with Narcissism.

Ref: Phyd.CSTW, Thomas Shumaker:

Narcissism: The Greek myth Narcissus looked into a pool and was en-captured by his own image and beauty and fell in love with his own reflection.

Having a good self-image, accepting ourselves in a loving positive way, and developing our potential to be our very best, is what we should be striving for. With the Narcissist, it is taken to an extreme and no one else exists. Some might use the word “conceited.” Once again, there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy self-image and attitude.

I have not had a lot of people who I would call a narcissist in my personal life but I have met a few. They are talented and perhaps have a genius IQ. At first, they make a great impression. They are knowledgeable, articulate, often successful, but anxious and full of doubt. They are difficult personalities to maintain relationships with. The narcissist has a grandiose and manufactured sense of self.

They are the “chosen few” in their mind. Narcissists have exaggerated and grandiose need for admiration, self-importance, and self-involvement. Because of childhood demands to over achieve and indulgence, the narcissist never develops a realistic sense of themselves. They may take on a snobbish, arrogant and superior attitude, believing others are inferior to them. A Narcissist seldom shows empathy and seldom can identify with your thoughts and needs. If the narcissist does not get outside approval, they are very unhappy and discontented.

The narcissist thinks their problems are unique and can only be appreciated by a certain elite few. They expect others to recognize their superiority. They may expect unquestioning commitment and obedience, and will reject furiously anyone who does not support their view. They blame others and feel that others have let them down. The narcissist is often in denial and has a real need to be seen as “perfect.” They need everything for themselves and can show jealousy and competitiveness towards other peoples’ accomplishments and possessions. No one is as smart or knows as much as the narcissist and you better agree. They will not accept criticism or disapproval or take responsibility for their actions. Appearance, fame, wealth, beauty, status, bragging and boasting is a part of a demeanor. There is nothing wrong with most of those characteristics until we become obsessed. If you have something they want, they may cater to you, but will eventually show their colors when you have nothing else to offer up to them. Yes, I am saying they may use you for their own selfish reasons. It is not easy to change anyone, especially the narcissist. I believe everyone can change, but they would have to look honestly at themselves, and most would think that I am writing about someone else. There are many famous Narcissists. They demand adoration or else there would be hell to pay. You get to adore, and they return dominance, manipulation, sarcasm, and disrespect to insure that you are not as perfect as they are.   A Narcissist’s talent and gifts may make it worth the effort of dealing with their personality flaws, but if you do not have a good self-image, and are not secure in your own right, a narcissist can be a challenge. Perhaps it brings meaning to “it is all in the eyes of the beholder.” I have had the privilege to meet many talented, successful, beautiful, and maybe a few well-known people. Some have been able to stay human and humble in spite of all of their fans and fame. They may have had personal problems like everyone else but, many do really nice things for others, and use “who” they are in a positive way. They had no need to exploit or have their good deeds become known. After reading this column, if you are wondering if you are a hardcore narcissist, you aren’t! They see themselves as perfect and probably would be thinking of everyone else. Have a wonderful peaceful and confident week. If you wish to contact Nancy: [email protected]